Currently Listening Understand This Is a Dream By Juliana Theory see related

Stolen from Bill--

"Sirius Black:  Escaped Azkaban, Evaded Dementors, Outwitted Ministry..... Killed by Drapery."   LMAO I <3 it

This week...  *sigh*  Pretty much just like every other one.  Quick wrap up-- Classes, teaching, MJs, homework, depression spiked with random peaks of happiness.  Yeah...I'm all over the place.

She looks alot like me.  From far away of course.  Like Clueless says,  "She's a total Monet...from far away it looks okay but up close its a big old mess!"  She's not me.  She never will be.  And YOU will never have me.  Your loss.

If I think about it, if my life were a story, I'd be over.  Everything's come full circle.  I'm now the same person I was in 8th grade.  Just a little more scarred.  Single, sappy and over dramatic.  Fawning over fantasies that will always trump my realities.  But I refuse to believe that it's gonna end here.  There's still this foolish little part of me that truly believes I'll get my happiness.  Not to mention that even more foolish and naive part of me that believes it was true love and he'll come back.  What would I even do if that happened???  There's no going back.

I'm here for a reason.  I just haven't figured it out yet.  Maybe I needed this single time to become myself again..  Maybe I was too deeply a part of a pair that my individual personality was being lost.  I've done so much since the summer.  I've written alot more *not now obviously...stupid school!*  and I'm treating myself alot better.  Sure there's the ever present breakdown but all in all I'm okay.  I really will be okay.

I may move on, but I'll never forget.  Pain is like instant fuel for a writer, so I should be grateful.  I"m just gonna get even better.