Surprisingly my Xanga has not died.  And me either!  I've survived the worst school yr of my life, and my 21st birthday and lived to tell the tale.

I wont bore everyone with the details.. use your imaginations.

Nothing is new.  Its summer break. I currently am not working, and I honestly dont knwo if I will.  Awesome.

Anyone wanting to hang out this summer would seriously be amazing.  <3

This is me...back from the dead.  Exciting couple of days to recount, finally!

Friday - hung out in the room, did homework/laundry and watched Viva La Bam.

Saturday - went home to NJ with roomie to her house, then we went to NEW YORK CITY!    It was my first real time there and we had tons of fun.   We took the train into the city then walked around all day!  We saw the Empire State Building (*for real sometimes, right roomie?!  ) yeah I'm an asshole and I thought some other random building was the Empire state building at night.  But the sad thing is roomie did too! So we were dumb together.  We went to Central Park (soo lovely... reminded me of the memior "Lucky" by the lady who wrote Lovely Bones.  if you've read it, you know why Central Park and the tunnel I saw there was disturbing)  We went to Times Square and saw almost every store on 7th Ave.  The MTV store had Viva La Bam stuff I was soo excited    Yeah I'm lame.  Then we went to Ray's Pizza for dinner and I got hit on by a 50 yr old Italian guy.  Fuuun times.

Then Sunday we were at roomie's house.  We went shopping at the malls by her and I spent entirely too much money.  Hot Topic owns my soul.  I got a I *heartagram* HIM shirt, and a Wings of a Butterfly hoodie and a heartagram decal for my car.  Then roomie and I got mini Vera's for the summer!! WOOO  and HIM flip flops.

Yeah I'm a nerdy fangirl

Roomie and I had a fabuloui weekend :)  Now I gotta catch up on all the sleep I missed this weekend!!! 

Currently Listening Understand This Is a Dream By Juliana Theory see related

Stolen from Bill--

"Sirius Black:  Escaped Azkaban, Evaded Dementors, Outwitted Ministry..... Killed by Drapery."   LMAO I <3 it

This week...  *sigh*  Pretty much just like every other one.  Quick wrap up-- Classes, teaching, MJs, homework, depression spiked with random peaks of happiness.  Yeah...I'm all over the place.

She looks alot like me.  From far away of course.  Like Clueless says,  "She's a total Monet...from far away it looks okay but up close its a big old mess!"  She's not me.  She never will be.  And YOU will never have me.  Your loss.

If I think about it, if my life were a story, I'd be over.  Everything's come full circle.  I'm now the same person I was in 8th grade.  Just a little more scarred.  Single, sappy and over dramatic.  Fawning over fantasies that will always trump my realities.  But I refuse to believe that it's gonna end here.  There's still this foolish little part of me that truly believes I'll get my happiness.  Not to mention that even more foolish and naive part of me that believes it was true love and he'll come back.  What would I even do if that happened???  There's no going back.

I'm here for a reason.  I just haven't figured it out yet.  Maybe I needed this single time to become myself again..  Maybe I was too deeply a part of a pair that my individual personality was being lost.  I've done so much since the summer.  I've written alot more *not now obviously...stupid school!*  and I'm treating myself alot better.  Sure there's the ever present breakdown but all in all I'm okay.  I really will be okay.

I may move on, but I'll never forget.  Pain is like instant fuel for a writer, so I should be grateful.  I"m just gonna get even better.

fuck this valentines day bullshit.   I'm celebrating Valotine's day instead **props to Melissa for that one!  Check out her HIM/Bam layout site... MMMM.... **

Today I have several Valentines...even though this holiday pisses me off this yr.  Actually, its not the holiday...Its the fact that my ex asshole bf is going to spend it fucking the new LOVE of his life he's been doing.....*cough* i mean SEEING for about a month.  Class dripping out his pores, i'll tell ya.  I hate you both, I hope you die painful Valentine's worthy deaths....heart shaped poison arrows...you know that whole thing.  It takes a lovey dovey holiday and being scorned to make you realize how stupid some holidays can truly seem once you're away from the cloud of love.  So for this day, I choose cynicism and great friends.  Fuck you Brad Honnnage.

That said...I LOVE the Valentines I do have...that actually love me back   My Spooners   who needs A boy when I've got the greatest, hottest group of girlies around the world!! I love you girlies!!!  And my dear Roomie, who I will be on a  date with tonight after work     And the one boy who doesnt suck... my dear bro Joey    And my 5th graders gave me Valentines today at school...so cute!  I just love them!

Now I am off to work.